Taking the hand of my best friend, deployment and all.

After meeting Jeff for the first time I knew that he was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. My dream came true. I married my best friend, my love, my hero and my soul mate on May 20th, 2011. After years of ups and downs, deployments, tears, tribulations, and nights apart I finally can say that we conquered the worst. I am faced now with our first deployment as his wife. Jeff's job in the Army is one that very few hold. It's not a job or a career, but more of a devoted yet dangerous skill instilled upon him. My husband (I love saying that) is a damn good solider. He is up at 5am and doesn't come home till I have my jammies on. I have never heard him complain, nor has he ever brought work home with him. He is the most humble and selfless men I have ever known. Though he can't tell me much about his deployments and what he does for our country I know it affects him. He isn't the same little boy I met 4 years ago. He is tethered, rusted, and torn. The Army has a way of doing that to our young service men and women. This upcoming deployment I can see the nervousness and fear in his eyes. Not because he is scared of the unknown, but because he is scared of the known. He has already been to hell and back numerous times, somewhere where most people will never have to see thanks to the brave protecting us. I feel for Jeff because this deployment will be especially hard on him because he was only able to spend a month with me his new wife, and less than a month in our new home. Jeff is such a worry wort and I really pray he can keep his mind and heart straight while in a combat zone. Jeff has cat like instincts; ready to pounce when prey arises, but when a cat is given a little catnip he becomes rampant and judgment can be dampened.  I pray he will remain strong, confident, and sharp when in the face of danger. I pray he comes home safe, with memories to share with grandchildren. But most of all, I hope he is able to see and experience to good that accompanies all evil. Here's to the next year supporting my soldier, my husband, and my hero.

So much for a goodnight kiss

Let’s just say alcohol is not everybody’s best friend. Once we got to his friends and the first beer was cracked it was all over. Jeff had attempted to show off his drinking skills and challenge me to a drinking contest. EPIC FAIL…on his part of course. Beer after beer he began to loosen up. The whole night I kept telling myself…maybe if he has a little devils juice in him, maybe he will have the guts to finally kiss me. The night flew and Jeff had gotten up from the table to go to the bathroom. So after about five minutes I went to go check on him, there he was face first in the bed. I couldn’t help but laugh. So after about twenty minutes of talking with Jeff, all of his friends decided to stock pile us and join in on the fun.  I was trying to give Jeff the “please kiss me” face, but clearly he didn’t know what that face meant. So finally in the midst of all of us talking I said “so Jeff…why don’t you kiss me?” The room got silent and Jeff was so embarrassed. His friends started rooting him on, and Jeff continued to get even more embarrassed. I felt like I was in high school again. Did I really have to ask this man to kiss me? Jeff didn’t really say much, and tried to change the subject about a hundred times. So I leaned in and kissed him. The look on his face was priceless, it’s a look I’ll never forget. He stared at me for the next five minutes without saying a word. I was thinking “oh lord, what have I done?” After having about five minutes of awkward staring I decided I needed another drink. I got up and went to the kitchen to join his other friends, within three minutes Jeff was passed out on the bed. So much for a goodnight kiss…

Mud on the tires

The rain is pouring down. I stand at my window thinking and relpaying his words in my mind. The last couple days I haven’t even been able to concentrate on anything but his smile. I have had guys come and go out of my life since I was thirteen. I am usually the one that walks away and I get bored with the same old same old. For some reason, Jeff is all I can see. Waiting by the phone night and day just to make sure I don’t miss a call or a text.

One night Jeff invited me over to a friend’s house for a couple drinks. Sitting next to him in his truck I had never felt so safe in my entire life. I’d gaze over at him driving and would put my hand on his. His shaky hands always made me laugh. No matter where we were going we always found things to talk about, or sit in perfectly in comfortable silence. The kind of silence that is more meaningful then words, the comfortable and warming silence. Country songs were always in the background, we both wouldn’t have it any other way. He looks at me and says “Can I take you somewhere first?” We turned around and started heading back to post.

Mud holes are heaven to a man like him. Spinning circles and getting his truck muddy as hell. Seeing the entertainment on his face was priceless. After about twenty minutes of mudding he stops and laughs, grabs my hand and says “okay now we can go.”

Heading to his friends house I got a little nervous.  Butterflies I had never felt before. I couldn’t tell if it was because our hands were locked, or if it was because we were taking that next step together.

A working man's hands.

Taking a look back on that first day I can’t help but smile. We were young, restless and had no idea what to make of our lives. The only thing we had set in stone was that the military owned our lives. Military controls what you wear, where you go, and ultimately what you decide you want in your life.

After a couple days go by I get an offer to grab dinner with Jeff and his fellow soldier No-Go. I’ve found that every military base I have been to, they are surrounded by a lot of amazing restaurants and foods from many cultures. Thai food was the choice for tonight’s date. I get to the restaurant and see Jeff sitting with No-Go. I sit down and once again I can’t help but stare at Jeff’s adorable confused look on his face. Jeff growing up in Alabama had never been to a Thai restaurant. I could tell he had no idea what to order. With that being said, No-Go and I had to order for him. We enjoyed the rest of dinner, and decided we would go back to the barracks to see Jeff’s room. One thing that’s for sure is that the Air Force and the Army are two completely different realms.

It’s a small 10 X 10 room filled with posters and camo. We sit down and talk through the night. Before I know it 5 hours had past. He taught me how to put on all his gear, and I teased him in the process. I can’t help but constantly smile at this man, the one who is so scared of every move he makes with me. Why do I scare him? I’m 5’5 and couldn’t harm a fly, but for some reason his hands still shake. When I grabbed his hands I rush came over me. There is something about a working man’s hands that make me melt. A man’s hands tell the story of his life. Where he has been, what he’s held, how he works, and most of all…they show how compassionate a man is. A man that grips your hands wants control, but not Jeff. He laid his hands in mine and barely held on. His fingers were still shaking and he couldn’t even look me in the eye. Finally I asked “what are you so scared of?” he scooted closer and replied “I am scared I’ve fallen in love with a girl I barely know.”

It doesn’t happen overnight, when you turn around a month has gone by.

Love is when they are your world... love is when that person doesn't complicate your life but they compliment it. When no matter what they have on they still look amazing to you. When you are with them time seems to fly but when you are apart it takes forever to see them again. When even though they have made you mad or have hurt you, you can't help but love them. How when you see them your stomach still gets butterflies and you begin to smile no matter what mood you are in. When they touch you, you get cold chills all over. When the hardest thing to do is to say good bye. When every time you blink their face is all you see and every time you day dream they are all you dream about. When someone can look at you and see love in your eyes. When you can be clear across the room from them and know the second they walk into a room. When you can be in the middle of a conversation with someone and just glance at them and all of a sudden time begins to slow down and it becomes just you and him and that's the way you want it to be. When reality becomes better then a dream and life seems too good to be true. That's what love is. It's the feelings you only experience in those special moments that are spent with the one you love.

Growing up as a country bound girl has its ups and downs. Living in a town where you can’t blink without someone knowing, or having everyone know when you make a mistake. In high school I did what every varsity cheerleading captain does…date the star football player. Did I love him, hell no! Everyone else loved us. That’s how life works in a small town. You can never live for yourself, but you live to make the whispers quite. My whole life I grew up around beautiful girls that were obsessed with being friends with me. In my eyes, I had no idea why they cared so much to be MY friend. I was a normal girl, except the fact I couldn’t tell you anything about being a girl. I never quite figured that one out. I grew up admiring my brother that wanted nothing to do with his annoying little sister. I wanted to hang out with the guys and drink beer on the top of a grain elevator. I liked making mistakes and breaking bones. I wasn’t your normal prom queen next door, I liked my boots dirty.

My mother gifted me with one form of knowledge, and that’s once you find the man that makes your knees weak…take his heart and run. In life all that matters is finding someone you love to share it with. You can’t live for others, because in the end they won’t live for you. My mother having gone through two divorces and never truly finding love, she settled and was determined to never let me follow in her footsteps. I never intend on following my head over my heart but, in real serenity how do you divide the two when you can’t tell which is which?

December 13^th, 2007, I had my heart stolen…I just didn’t know yet.

Handsome, quiet, and overly polite…is just the icing of the man that has walked into my life. 18 years-old how could anyone know what real love is? I could see his hands shaking. Why? How could I possibly make a man that scared of me? Was that supposed to happen?

He walked in and the rest is a blur. The one thing I can remember like it was yesterday was his charm, and his perfect smile. A sweet southern boy in the army, a man my mom always warned me about. I remember watching him trying not to stare at me. I remember laughing at him, and him getting embarrassed. I’ll never remember that adorable little nervous laugh, the one I still hear every day. Sitting outside in the freezing cold just so we could share a cancer stick and figure out what we really were doing. Making small talk killing time, I wanted nothing but to freeze time. Asking him the normal “I’m trying to get to know you” questions. The politically correct questions no one really truly cares about. After about 4 hours of sitting and talking, our first night came to an end. Honestly I don’t remember anything from what we talked about because I was so absorbed in him. Jeffrey Lee…a handsome southern boy who at that time I didn’t know it…but he already had my heart. When he left for the night I closed the door and laughed…what was this man so scared of?

The start of the rest of my life.

Rewinding the clock to 2007.

I was 17 years old with not a care in the world. Graduation is coming up soon, and unlike most seniors in high school I wasn’t applying to colleges…but signing my life away to the military. My best friend had joined and I decided to follow in the same footsteps. I wasn’t ready for college, and all I knew is that I wanted to be a nurse sometime in my life. Right now wasn’t the right time. My boyfriend of a year wasn’t excited about me leaving, but honestly I couldn’t wait to move on to bigger and better things. After graduation I had my going away party and said goodbye to all of my high school friends including my boyfriend. Basic training was one of the most memorable times of my life, though I didn’t care to admit while I was there. I made a handful of friends that I still communicate with today. Soon after graduation from BMT I was diagnosed with an aggressive bone tumor. Needless to say a silly high school boyfriend couldn’t take the pressure and the distance, so we soon broke up. Once again I found myself going home to have surgery. Recovery was hell, and one of the hardest times in my life. Finally in December of 2007 I was able to go back to my base and continue my medical training for my job in the military. McChord AFB was one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen, but I wasn’t able to ever explore with anyone because at that time I didn’t know anyone. So I spent my time in my dorm room on the internet. Till one day I came across this handsome young soldier on Myspace. To this day I have no idea how I came across him. He was stationed at the neighbor army base Ft. Lewis right next to McChord. I sat there and stared at his picture for about 5 minutes trying to figure out how to talk to him without sounding crazy. After writing and deleting the message about 5 times, I finally got it perfect and sent him a message asking him if he had time to show me around the area. I waited for about 2 days for a response and gave up hope when I didn’t get one. Finally one day after work I got back to my room and saw that glowing inbox with the response. I was ecstatic. After exchanging messages for about a week, he finally asked for my phone number. I sat back thinking…oh my lord what happens if he is some crazy man that’s going to want to kill me. I gave in anyways…messages lead to texting, and texting lead to phone calls. Finally we had a date set up. The first day I met the man of my dreams and the man I will one day marry.

How to make my mark.

Since I work retail, I tend to be a fly on the wall over hearing many interesting conversations. Our generation seems to only think about how we can please ourselves. I overheard a girl talking about how blogging saved her life after her break up with her college sweetheart "blah blah blah"...(Since these two girls were talking loud enough for about ten rows to hear.) Blogging? Well shoot...I thought I would give it a shot. I tend to be better with words when they don't have to verbally come out of me anyways. So I did what every other college student does...I googled it. Hello my own personal space to type stuff about my life no one really actually cares about! Perfect. I really don't want this to be a cry of savor, when in all reality I will never need saving. Some how my mothers womanly grace has fallen upon me. I am strong on my feet, and even stronger with my emotions. My mother raised me independent and kindly, with her strength she has given me the power to find my own. I am an aspiring nurse with passion to not only do that...but to make amazing friendships along the way. I love everything about love. If I could only have on thing for the rest of my life, it would be to have a man love every crevice, every inch, every sneeze, every fight, and anything to do with my everything. I tend to live a little left of ordinary, and I have finally found a man that walks beside me. This is going to be the travels and tribulations of all of my everything. This is where i'm leaving my mark.